It’s suppertime and I planned to be through with blogging and playing with my online empire by now, but I just had to write another quick post to tell you about the best Christmas present I’ve received this year … and in a number of years to tell the truth.
My lovely Mita, the Unofficial Cook went to the mal on her own this morning, among other things to stop at the bank and get some more cash … ya have to love Christmas, there’s never enough it seems, but every peso I’ve spent so far this year has made me smile, so how can a guy complain?
Actually that ‘smile’ part is my story. Many of you don’t know me but I can make a guess that most of you think I’m probably a pretty sour old man, I often have something to gripe about and it often shows in my writing I think.
One of my old bosses once reviewed a very important letter he had asked me to draft that was to be sent to an important client and when my boss was done reading he said, “Excellent, Dave, excellent. You write a good letter. Now go back and take out about ten pounds of the wire brush bristles you used and it’ll probably be ready for me to sign”. Oops. And here I thought it was all sweetness and light 
Anyway, as I said, Mita went to the bank and one of the ladies at the counter who took care of the withdrawal commented to Mita, “Ma’am, where is “Sir” today, he didn’t come with you? He’s always happy and pala-tawa (which is Tagalog slang for ‘prone to smile’ or ‘always smiling’ … words to that effect). Wow. She could have given Mita a gold coin to bring back for me and I would have been less pleased.
I have a terrible temper. It’s gotten me in trouble many times in my life. Even worse I often project the image of being even more angry than I am. I hate it, but it’s ‘me’ and at my age I pretty much feel there isn’t all that much I can do about it.
But I have worked on it, and particularly since I have been here in the Philippines I have made a conscious effort not to be a chronic whiner (like that VFW guy I was talking about recently). There’s plenty of things that go wrong here. Plenty of seemingly idiotic routines that you go through in life because it is the way it is.
But you don’t have to lose your temper, blow your stack or gripe about them. We’re all on a short leash. Even you younger folks who see the road of life stretching out forever are having vision difficulties … the end is always closer than ay of us think.
If I can give people the impression I’m prone to smile, though, I must be doing something right … and believe me, a someone who has wasted a great deal of his life “operating from anger”, it feels good.
This is the time of the year when people always go on and on about New Year’s Resolutions. I won’t bore you with that … except for one that I highly recommend. It will cost you nothing and reap big dividends. It may even extend the road trip of life … and it can never, ever hurt you or anyone else,
Smile. How many people can you come up with who will describe you (when you’re not around, that is ) as pala-tawa?
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Good for you Dave! I think that male expats’ with a temper or sometimes crabby outlook will find that it just doesn’t fit in with the philippine lifestyle and if they’re lucky, they’ll learn to adapt and naturally change for the better. Not everyone can be as blessed, but I think it should be everyone’s goal in life. As you say life is short don’t waste your time. Advice for all of us– “Fake it till you make it” if a smile doesn’t come easy!
@ Queeniebee. Yes I guess mysdelf that I’ve been unconciously ‘faking it’ at that bank a few times, Eevn just a couple months ago they screwed things up with a couple ATM ‘no dispense’ issues, where the money does come back but you have to wait out the bank doing it in their own good time. The exact same week my US bank, however, took the same $1500 USD payment out of my checking account three times, so I wound up overdrawn there. As my daddy used to say “I was so mad I wanted to chew nails and spit tacks”.
But I considered what my optiins were and figured I just better make paki usap until both banks had their errors fixed, because the more you scream and shout … even when the employees really are being dufus’s … the slower and less cooperative they get … on either side of the pond.
So if this makes me a phony or a pushover for bad service, so be it … iI’m not here to wage war, just to have fun.
I found out somehting by accident recently too … I stopped at my bank manager’s desk the other day to talk to him about the rural bank situation I wrote about recently … it seemed like me asking him how things in the banking business worked … instead of telling him what was wrong with his bank
just made his day …what the heck, little gifts of respect that make people feel good and cost nothing seem worth it to me,
Great gift, Dave! Congrats!
@ Bob, yes indeedy, Bob … I’m sure you’ve had a similar expereince, becuase I’ve observed you go out of your way to treat people well … and seen it in thier faces after your back is turned. (you can tell a lot about a freind by following around behind him
).
I felt on top of the world, still do … speaking of feeling good I wonder if that lady knows what a big gift she gave me. She just had a baby recently, likely considers her bank salary could really stand to be bigger, but she’s a much wealthier woman than she realizes, perhaps.
Does that pala-tawa expression translate into Bisaya or do you have similar one down there in the sunny southland?
Well Dave, what is that saying “you can attract more flies with sugar than with vinegar” or something like that, often I think taking a kinder, gentler approach works out better for everyone in the long run. Also I think if one forgets about the idea of always having to be “right” in a situation or trying to be in control, it’s also easier all around for everyone.
@ Queenie: yep, you are so right with those thoughts. It’s one of the most important lessons I ahve been learning since I’ve been here … getting mad doesn’t fix anything.
It is amazing tto me though, just how nice that lady’s comment made me feel … many of us go through life, I think, at least telling ourselves we don’t really care much what others tink … but inside we really do.
I hereby resolve to be more patient the next ‘blankety-blank-blank-blank’ time something else gets screwed up. You know all the banks in the Philippines basically have been on an 8 day holiday, except those kind people at BPO and I think some BPI and a few other mall branches … they’ve been working all day everyday, extra hours because the mall is open extra hours too … gotta give them credit for their smiles.
Hi Dave – I had to ask what “pala tawa” was, so no… it doesn’t translate!
I’m not sure what the Bisaya term would be. I’ll ask Bebe when I see her tomorrow!
It’ll be interesting to hear her take … pala is one of those words which have a number of meanings, “prone to’ is one of the main definitions … and tawa is the act of laughing or smiling a lot, so I am sure there’s plenty of adequate bisaya substitutes, but with any sort of slang, it doesn’t always follow that there will be a direct substitute … just like my family’s favorite ”aye pimon’ from illocano … every language has it’s own special made up things.
Dave was too nice to include the joke I made after the bank teller’s comment. I told her, “oh, he’s not really like that…he just puts that smile on whenever he steps out our door…”
It’s bantering, Philippine-style…she knew it was a joke and laughed with me.
Truth is, when I was reviewing the photos from my nephew’s wedding last October it was very pleasing to see Dave genuinely smiling in almost all the pictures. The rest of us were trying to look serious for the first pamangkin’s first serious commitment, but not Dave….